Word Casualties

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Word Casualties #12 – Hier Me!

Woman holding "Hire Me" sign in front of her face

I used to do freelance resumé work, which meant I regularly visited professional job websites like LinkedIn and Indeed as a way to generate leads. It’s also a good way to learn how not to point out a person’s typos (it’s nothing personal – those darn things exist everywhere!).

When it comes to the hiring process, we’re all looking to put our best foot forward, make a good first impression, or follow some other idiom that makes sense here. Unfortunately, candidates and hiring managers are sometimes too eager to give their document one last review. Here are a few fun typos I’ve found and my made-up definitions.

CASUALTIES

Obsexsed – a person who really, really wants some lovin’

Scarnio – one of the weakest Bond villains

Opportunites – the best evenings for stargazing

Upfortunately – a positive turn of events

Transfernation – describes an emigrating person

Carer – one who attends your needs

Decuted – made ugly

Handeling – completing a messianic task before getting Bach to other business

Cross-crunctional – twisty sit-ups

Leeder – when Lee is in charge

Cowworker – the person in the cubicle next to you who has a straw bed and milking pail

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Word Casualties #11 – Typos are no game

One of the primary distractions from my writing is gaming. It’s a storytelling of a different kind, which I’ve enjoyed since I was a kid playing Atari 2600 or Apple ][c.

Ask your parents. Or (sigh) grandparents.

Like literature, it’s a media not immune to typos, but it also provides human interactions. So, between in-game chat, trash talk DMs, and the game itself, there are plenty of opportunities for unusual spellings.

Here’s some I’ve encountered recently, humorous definitions added.

CASUALTIES

erans – the movement a man makes when a Flock of Seagulls chases him so far away

carectors – a steel building set that fosters empathy

campain – the result of pitching your tent on tree roots

spone – the complementary utensil to a fark and knive

dushbagg – the container in a vacuum that catches all the bits

waisted – when a weight gain causes you to stretch out your pants, but they’re still comfy

ingadging – adding a new indicator to your car’s dashboard

opstickales – the goal of a secret tickle mission

outgone – when you’ve really left

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Word Casualties #10 – For the love of all that’s holy

Sometimes….you might just plop gibberish upon the page.

When I’m in the zone, I type around 100 words per minute. That’s not elite status, but I’m definitely moving. My brain, however, is processing the story much faster. Passages aren’t necessarily being fed to the page in order, and oftentimes, sentences aren’t landing with the words in their intended sequence. It’s a bit of a wires-crossed thing that requires some adaptation, patience, and editing.

An unfortunate, though sometimes hilarious consequence, is some serious gibberish. Although it breaks my rhythm, I usually delete these things immediately because they’re too horrid to live on the page another moment. However, since I started this series of Casualties posts, I’ve decided to save some of the better ones as examples of just how wrong an experienced writer can go.

As always, I’ve created some definitions, and the correct words (if I’ve deciphered them) follow that.

CASUALTIES

Hiuefully – a well-saturated color

Initiatititive – making the first move on a sexy date

Tjamls – beasts of burden that tjaverse the djesert

Habyart – a question posed to the entrants of rural art shows: “Habyart?” “Yessaidoo!”

Consticuous – something stuck to the wall and definitely out of place

Priviledge – born with the right to stand upon the precipice

Viluminous – an evil glow

Predigestion – what happens to chewed food slathered in saliva

Predamentary – the basics for stalking prey

Harbordence – a thick fog hanging heavy upon the docks

Trhaventily – seriously, I got nothing here. A flower? A kind of fancy silk lace?

CORRECT SPELLINGS

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Word Casualties #9 – Ath time goef by

Today’s list provides a selection of words that didn’t quite capture time in a bottle. And unlike a broken clock that is right twice a day, these are far from correct.

As always, the fun fabricated definitions are followed by the correct spellings.

CASUALTIES

Prenature baby – a baby born before it is naturally possible

Birday – celebrating the occasion of a person’s bir

Tottler – a toddler who doesn’t drink; see also “teetottler”

Threnty-something – the approximate age of a person between their 20s and 30s

Jerryatric – a mental condition that causes an older person to identify everyone else as an old acquaintance named “Jerry”

Senior cilizen – term to describe a retired comedian

Ageles – Enrique Iglesias’ real last name

Immorttel – a phone company for those who live forever

CORRECT SPELLINGS

Premature

Birthday

Toddler

Twenty-something

Geriatric

Senior citizen

Ageless

Immortal

Consider this post an ironic example of how typos can waste your time unless you have a friendly neighborhood proofreader at hand. Good luck in your editing!

–Mike

Enjoy what you just read? Plenty more Word Casualties here. Leave a comment or like the post and we’ll ensure that you see more like this!

© Michael Wallevand, August 2021

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Word Casualties #8 – Famous Places

Like a 1930s Pan Am Clipper whisking us to parts unknown, our fingers fly equally fast across keyboards or touchscreens, often with the intent of taking readers to similar exotic destinations. When we don’t take a few moments to check our spelling, who knows where our readers will arrive? By the following examples, and made-up definitions, we see that sometimes they’ll end up in a far different place.

Destination: Cairo – Raiders of the Lost Ark

CASUALTIES

Stonedhedge – A line of bushes used to hide casual drug use. 

Nakropolis – City of nudists

Pyramids of Geezer – Large stone structures on the front porch of an old man who yells at people for walking on his lawn.

Mecha – The holy land of robots.

Deaf Valley – A desert in the southwest US where the extreme heat causes hearing loss.

Parsenon – An ancient Greek building used for the analysis of sentence grammar

CORRECT SPELLINGS

Stonehenge

Necropolis

Pyramids of Giza

Mecca

Death Valley

Parthenon

I captured these years ago in a piece I was proofreading. The author was embarrassed to see these errors, telling me these places are common enough to easily verify, even if spellcheck fails. Yep. I told him that sometimes our eagerness to complete a piece causes us to forget a step or two. That’s ok. And that’s where a good proofreader and editor can help (though you probably want them checking the tough stuff, not the gimmes).

Good luck with your writing!

–Mike

© Michael Wallevand, July 2021

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Word Casualties #7 – WTH?

The latest collection of typos for which I’ve invented humorous definitions.

We all make mistakes in our writing that cause us to shake our heads when we discover them later. Why not have some fun with them? Here are a few of mine, which must have been spawned by some level of intoxication on my part…

CASUALTIES

converstation – synonym for talk radio

reboob – When you take another look at, well, you know.

expenseive – colloquialism for pouring money down the drain

transformance – used to describe superb acting that takes the craft to another level

belibubble – the delicate membrane that separates the possible and the unbelievable

mispellebtion – describes hwo you type afder a few cocktalis

seasonaling – the magical tinkling of bells at Christmastime

strengthing – that, you know, whatever-it-is at the gym that you lift and it’s heavy

destainement – instead of taking you into custody, they just cover you with so much filth that you’re afraid to move

trainsformation – locomotives lined up on the parade grounds

CORRECT SPELLINGS

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Word Casualties #6 – Despair & Hilarity

Another collection of typos for which I’ve invented humorous definitions. Today’s list is from a horror writer I was editing a couple years ago. Like other renowned works of horror, it’s filled with despair and hilarity, which are two great tastes that taste great together.

CASUALTIES

drakenss – male duck butts

damnotion – a new idea that a person has, but does not like

ensalved – a victim covered with a soothing ointment.

Santanic – 1) describing the rituals used to bring about the return of jolly ol’ St. Nick. 2) describing the rites used to conjure a Mexican-American guitar legend.

inferal – a wild, rabid conclusion

maleviolent – ferocious attacks by men

inquickity – doing evil things at a rapid pace

revolvting – used to describe something hideous and disgusting that slowly turns

sarrow – the sadness of pirates, me hearties

CORRECT SPELLINGS

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Word Casualties #5

A fun bit of self-deprecation based on typos I’ve found in my manuscript. Rather than immediately correct them, I’ve collected them for your enjoyment and added humorous definitions. If you can’t guess the intended word (ahem, not surprising sometimes), further down you’ll find the correct spellings. If you enjoy the list, more can be found here.

CASUALITIES

  • Enchancement – a possible improvement; a magic spell that might work.
  • Consiren – the klaxons at a prison
  • Unstanding – describes one who is sitting down
  • Diffanta – difruity soda I disometimes drink
  • Definity – the assuredness of knowing something will last forever
  • Writh – a ghost missing its front teeth (this word must have lost its E to the next entry)
  • sarcasme – the fancy British spelling of ‘sarcasm’
  • Vommunication – drenching another person with the gagging vehemence of your words
  • Catapostrophic – exceptionally poor use of apostrophes
  • Legilimate – mind reading done to determine a person’s authenticity

CORRECT SPELLINGS

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Word Casualties #4

Our latest light-hearted look at typos and the definitions they’d have if they were real words. (actual words at the bottom)

Teehee fly – a pesky little laughing insect.

Arknowledge – the wisdom needed to build a deluge-escaping watercraft.

Desolatastness – The delicious feeling of being isolated.

Arthuretum – A piece of land on which many different Arthurs are grown.

Anfractcously – The measurement of the fractal space along the surface indentations of couscous.

Malaware – Software that is not only malicious, but dangerously self-conscious.

Fantsy – Used to describe the intricate scrollwork and special fonts used in Tolkien books.

Misfurtones – The dissonance that occurs while singing poorly about fur coats.

Delicktable – Something that looks good enough to be licked.

Tsetse fly, acknowledge, desolateness, arboretum, ???, malware, fantasy, misfortunes, and delectable.

Enjoy what you just read? Leave a comment or like the post and we’ll ensure that you see more like this!

© Michael Wallevand, March 2020

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Word Casualties #3

Don’t get mad at typos, laugh along with our made-up definitions!

See if you can guess the writers’ intended words!

anarchrist – A deity who fights for the violent overthrow of established governments.

illustratrated – I claim this one as my own. It’s a longer form of illustrating that involves having an illustration within an illustration (click to link to enjoy my embarrassment).

intarrowgate – A small village of Middle-Earth.

willowmaker – To turn one into a person of small stature for a fantasy movie.

batherobe – One could argue this is a garment for a bather. But that doesn’t make it a real word.

flappergasted – The act of being so surprised, one’s arms are waved up and down in rapid fashion.

Jessus – The name Mary and Joseph were going to use if they had a girl.

factuary – One who calculates insurance risks and provides true information.

flustery – When the wind gets agitated and gusts at high speeds.

alabastard – A pale, fatherless child.

Intended words: anarchist, illustrated, interrogate, widowmaker, bathrobe, flabbergasted, Jesus, factory(?), blustery, and alabaster.

Good luck with your wtiring!

Enjoy what you just read? Leave a comment or like the post and we’ll ensure that you see more like this!

© Michael Wallevand, February 2020